you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
