Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
