he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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