We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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