I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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