you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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