Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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