doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
