i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
