This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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