Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
