Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
