I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
