You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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