alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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