She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
