After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
