Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
