You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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