come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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