dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
