Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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