The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
