My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
