shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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