my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
