I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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