Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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