Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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