the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
