do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
