the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
