it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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