im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if only i could text you this smell
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
