Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
