I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
