Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
