I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize