Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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