Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
