what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
