you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
