i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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