when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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