hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
