Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You may now shotgun with the bride
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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