I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
