when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
