So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
