He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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