i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
