Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
