Can i not drive my cunt home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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