My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
