11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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