he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
