Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
