he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
