You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think my tv is drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize