we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
