I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she looked like the before picture.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
