i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
