Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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