Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
