i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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