As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
