They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
