I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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