She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
