just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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