I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
