There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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