my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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