Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
