omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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