yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
