I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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