So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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