He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
