I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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