if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
