ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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