we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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