You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
