since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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